Well, it's been quite some time since I've updated the blog...I've thought about it many times and haven't really known what to say. Waiting is hard and we thought it would be the hardest part of the adoption process for us but it wasn't...let me go back to December 20th...
It was just 5 days before Christmas and our social worker called and asked us both to get on the phone. She told us she had the file of a little girl for us! It all seemed so perfect...what an amazing Christmas gift this was. The little girl was beautiful, of course! She had a medical condition and would need medical care as soon as we brought her home, no problem. This specific medical condition was already listed in our dossier and our I-800A so no amending was necessary. We were on cloud 9 and falling more in love with her everyday as we looked at her picture and read her file. We accepted the referral and now we just had to wait again for approval from the Inter-Country Adoption Board of the Philippines. We prayed for her daily...hourly many days. I was already considering myself a mom of three! This wait I knew would be the hardest yet...it usually takes 6-8 months till travel.
Fast forward to January 29th...our agency called us and again asked us both to get on the phone. I had a pit in my stomach...I just knew it couldn't be good news this time. ICAB had decided to place this girl, my daughter in my mind, with a medical host instead of us. Our agency had appealed on our behalf, the agency in the Philippines that works with our agency appealed on our behalf but the decision was made. To say we were heartbroken would be an understatement. I felt as though I lost a child...my daughter. We were assured that we were still on the list and would still receive a referral in due time but we felt like we were starting over...with a heavy weight added on top.
How could this happen? Why did this happen? How do you move on from here?
I still don't know all the answers to the questions we have but I just finished reading the book, "The Waiting Child" by Cindy Champnella. (If you've ever thought about adopting or just want to learn more about orphans or adopting, or if you just like a really good book, you should definitely read it!) In the book, she talks about her sister losing a referral of a little girl and how they grieved the loss of this girl. They too didn't know why at the time, but two years (and two adoptions) later they were finally able to see the big picture of what God had planned. She said, "How God must have smiled when we finally understood the plan."
I'm anxiously (and impatiently) awaiting our referral and a view of the big picture! What I do know is that "when you wait on God for something you always receive more than you were waiting for!" (Pastor Les Beauchamp) It will all come in His time and not one minute later!
